It Was So Much Fun

Padahal baru 3 bulanan nggak ketemu (kecuali gue sama Wita yang tiap bulan pasti ketemu) tapi hebohnya ngalah-ngalahin yang udah nggak ketemu berapa taun gitu. Tapi gue seneng deh setelah pada kerja mau ketemu jadi gampang. Nggak kaya waktu kuliah yang kepisah-pisah parah, yang di Jakarta cuma Arief doang. Wita sama Benz di UPH kan itungannya udah jakarta coret nyet. Terus kalo mau jalan harus nungguin Fiki balik dari Manchester dulu. Zzzzz.... Itupun harus bagi-bagi sama ceweknya Fiki. Yang paling seru waktu mereka pada bohongin pacar-pacarnya dan rame-rame ke Bandung nyamperin gue waktu puasa. hahahahaha. Durhaka lo semua.

Oiya, itu kuenya buat Bink yang malemnya ulangtahun, tapi kita nggak ada yang nemenin Benz bikin surprise karena..... males. AHAHAHAHA. Gini deh kalo temenan kelamaan semua udah seenak jidat masing-masing. Tapi kan demi Bink gue sama Wita gantian mengarahkan AC ke kuenya dan kita nganterin Benz beli lilin sama topi. Hahaha. Bentuk cinta kasih kami berdua kepadamu, Benz. Sayang aja ya tadi malem Rio banyak pasien dan Fiki nggak pede karaoke karena takut jadi kaya Giant, padahal kita seru-seruan goyang dangdut dan headbanging. Ah, nyesel deh yang nggak ikut. Hihihi.

Benz jangan ngomel-ngomel mulu. Terimalah kenyataan temen-temen cewek lo ini pada 'belok'. teehehehehe....

huhuhuuuu... pengen muffin... pengen kue... sedih banget ya kalo di kantor temennya ibu-ibu semua dan cewek-cewek seumuran gue AE yang aktif-aktif banget cabut dr kantor untuk ketemu client. huhuhuuu pengen cakes.. nggak tau beli dimana.. :-(

Fairness.

Fairness equals to being fair and equity. In life, being fair means treat another person the way you hope to be treated, you gave A, you got A. But in life, there are so many factors turned people into bad and eventually forgetting the fairness concept. I heard someone said this, 'only the naive forgive and forget', well maybe only the naive try to be fair either. I am not a saint, but I always try my best to be fair. treat people the way I hope to be treated. But I guess it's gonna be easier if we just screw the fairness and turned it to 'do whatever you want to do'. I'm sick of thinking 'how they feels if i treat them bad, and I don't want to be treated that way'. Well, reality do sucks and no matter what you do, people will still crush you to the core. So why bother being good and best? But then again, if you treat people bad, they still gonna crush you and screaming 'how could you do that to me? What was you thinking?' and the bla and the bla while at the same time they're not being fair to you either. So, what should I do then?

Our mind tends to shut itself from information that contradicts our preconception..so think openly!
- firzie Idris

random blab

I don't like this day. fucking hate it. This morning I woke up and suddenly realized that my bra's broken. The string's broken and there's no way to fix it. oh, fuck. You know how much I love my underwears don't you? And this is one of my favorite underwear, the pink one, the barbie one. AAARRRGGGGH. The worst thing is i don't spare the budget to buy a new one this month. So, i have to stick to reality of underwears reduction this time. Once again, fuck.

And that's not it. My laptop's broken too. But it's my fault. Last night i was kinda push it into a wall and now it's broken. My bad, I lost my temper. I should've said the 'GOOSFRABA' mantra but since it's just a script for Anger Management so it clearly doesn't work. This two things plus a HUGE fight last night's enough to sent me to bad mood this day. I don't want to work whatsoever. So today I plan on doing nothing productive. teeheee.

One good news, my new dress has arrived. Haven't got the chance to have a really decent try, my brother has just delivered it to me this morning. I bought it from Heymonstore and they got those cool artworks on their shirts and dresses. Well I did try it a bit this morning and it's superrrr comfortable. Oh my goodness great fabric. hey guys, thanks for the dress and cute paperbag by the way. So, this is the pic :


For those who know me so well, this shirt is so me isn't it? haha, ngarep. Anyway I'd love to post my pic with this shirt on but I don't think so since I don't have that kind of a supermodel body.

Oh and I ran out of money. Good crap. this day's fucking awesome.

oh, and.. vira arvianda, if you read this and I know you'll read it, gue seneng waktu tadi malem lo bbm gue dan bilang lo seneng gue mulai nulis lagi. Ternyata masih ada yang suka baca baca tulisan gue di blogspot yang pretty boring ini. I laaafff yaahhh bejana berhubungan!!

I was kinda hoping to wake up this morning with a glow..... yeah, right.

bermimpi terlalu tinggi

" Imagine yourself as you would like to be, doing what you want to do, and each day, take one step towards your dream." - Donna Levine

Ngobrol dengan Rinov memang selalu berhasil membangkitkan mimpi-mimpi dan ambisi di dalam diri saya. Kenapa ya? Jarang sekali lho saya mau berbagi mimpi dan ambisi hidup dengan seseorang. Anehnya, orang satu ini bisa. :-) Well, berawal dari obrolan ngalor ngidul di YM, obrolan kami berbuntut pada impian kami berdua untuk bisa jalan-jalan ke Eropa. Terdengar muluk mungkin. Tapi, saya rasa nggak ada yang nggak mungkin ah di dunia ini. Putri duyung yang saya kira fiktif saja ternyata beneran ada, meskipun aslinya jauh sekali dari wanita cantik berambut panjang yang ada di dongengnya Hans Christian Andersen.


Hahahaha. Nggak penting ya? Ya pokoknya ini kan cuma gambaran kalau sebenarnya segala sesuatu itu mungkin-mungkin saja. Sambil ngobrol, saya iseng googling gambar-gambar kota Venice, my first destination if i get to go to Europe. Tanpa sengaja, saya malah nyasar ke situs Hilton hotel Venice dan beberapa menit setelahnya kami ber-ooohhh aaahhh mengagumi this breathtaking place. I swear Venice seems like the most beautiful place on earth. At night, everything just seems so romantic. And it would be wonderful if I get the chance to go there. I swear it really is.... Amazing.

this is the pool on the hotel rooftop. You can see Venice with its complete beauty from above.I can't find the complete picture of the restaurant but I assure you they got this very beautiful riverside restaurant that is sooo aaweessooomee. I'll envy myself if I ever eat a single rice there.

Anyway, obrolan kami membuat saya teringat omongan saya ke Mama beberapa bulan yang lalu. Seingat saya, tepat sebelum saya mulai kerja sekitar 7 bulan yang lalu. Waktu itu kami membicarakan pernikahan. Duh, boro-boro nikah. Waktu itu saya bahkan nggak punya pacar. Pertanyaan Mama tentang target umur pernikahan saya pun saya jawab dengan "Aku nggak mau nikah sebelum bisa ke Eropa!!". Sang Mama pun siok dengan keinginan putrinya. Yah maklum lah, namanya juga udah beda era. Waktu itu saya bahkan membeberkan ke Mama rencana tabungan saya agar saya bisa menginjakkan kaki di Eropa sebelum berkepala tiga. Mama cuma menggumam, "Amin.", seingat saya. Singkat, namun bukankah do'a seorang Ibu selalu manjur ya?

Obrolan ini juga mengingatkan saya akan pertanyaan seorang tante saya beberapa bulan yang lalu. "Setelah punya gaji sendiri, kamu mau nabung untuk beli apa dulu yang pertama kali?". Tanpa berpikir panjang, saya menjawab sigap "Eropa!!" yang disambut derai tawa tante saya. Mungkin memang terdengar aneh ya? Tapi bukankah mimpi semua orang berbeda dan boleh dong kalau Eropa menjadi mimpi saya? Saya setuju dengan kata-kata Donna Levine, take one step towards your dream. Jadi langkah pertama saya adalaahhhh... MENABUNG! Rencana yang sempat terlupakan, yang sempat saya beberkan ke Mama, harus saya lakukan lagi dari awal. AYO SEMANGAT!!!!

"If you want to be with someone, go get him. Deal with the mess later."
-One Tree Hill

the quote which guide me till I came this far and this absolutely is a mess. But I won't regret a thing and I hope there won't be anymore disappointment :-)

Teringat lagu norah Jones...

What am i to you?

seharian curhat di blog terasa lebih bermartabat dibandingkan curhat di Twitter.

Jurnalis

Sejak kapan ya saya pengen jadi jurnalis? Dari kecil, saya tipe anak kecil yang hobi punya cita-cita muluk. Pernah pengen jadi Miss Universe.... zzzzzzzz... terus pengen jadi pengantin...zzzzz... yah namanya juga anak kecil yang suka sama yang serba cantik dan indah. Siapa sangka, saya tumbuh menjadi tidak secantik itu. Hahahaha. Kandaslah keinginan-keinginan menjadi supermodel. Terus kepingin jadi diplomat dengan alasan dangkal, pengen kerja di luar negeri! Tapi omongan salah seorang dosen saya bener juga sih, "Kalau mau ke luar negeri nggak perlu susah-susah kuliah HI. Jadi TKI aja!". Aduuhh.. gimana yaa... dipikir-pikir bener juga sih... Tapi saya tidak merasa menjadi seorang politikus itu apa yang benar-benar saya inginkan. Saya tidak sekritis teman-teman yang lain ketika sedang debat politik. Malah terkadang saya memilih diam dengan alasan khas orang indonesia, "takut salah!". Payah ya?

Sampai lama kelamaan saya sadar, apa sih satu hal di dunia ini yang bener-bener bisa bikin saya tersenyum? Menulis ternyata! Iya, waktu senang atau sedih rasanya lega dengan menulisnya di media apapun. Meskipun majunya teknologi mengizinkan saya menulis semuanya dalam bentuk microsoft word, tapi nothing beats paper. Beneran deh. Sampai usia 23 tahun ini kadang saya masih memilih cara konvensional menulis semuanya di sebuah buku yang jangan sampai ditemukan siapa-siapa karena isinya sangat sangat...hmmm...vulgar. Ahahaha. Nggak deng... pribadi. Ya semacam diary minus kalimat pembuka "dear diary, hari ini aku lalalala' gitu deh.

Sejak itulah saya memutuskan ingin menjadi seorang jurnalis. Dimata saya, jurnalis wanita itu sangat WOW. Meliput berita langsung ke sumbernya yang pasti tidak mudah dan harus mengelilingi dunia dengan mengemban misi melahirkan sebuah berita. 7 bulan setelah lulus kuliah, impian ingin menjadi jurnalis ini terusik setelah saya barusan rapat dengan sebuah saluran tv kabel. Mereka meminta wartawan olahraga di tempat saya bekerja untuk menjadi komentator di acara mereka. Atasan saya mengajukan nama salah seorang teman baik saya sejak kuliah yang kini menjadi wartawan di tabloid tempat saya bekerja, "Kami punya wartawan muda disini, namanya Firzie.. blablablabla". Deg. Entah kenapa ada rasa 'nyesss' di dada saya. betapa bangganya ya disebut sebagai seorang wartawan muda? Dan mendadak saya berfikir, "What Am I Doing Here?"

Brief introduction, sebelumnya saya terjebak sebagai seorang copywriter gadungan di sebuah majalah ternama. Kenapa gadungan? Karena job desc-nya agak kurang jelas. Sekarang saya malah nyemplung di bagian Marketing Communication. Memang dinamis dan seru sekali, tapi masih ada yang kurang lengkap. Hidup saya kurang lengkap tanpa menulis. Ya, saya masih ingin membangun mimpi menjadi jurnalis. Dan saya nggak pengen menulis untuk majalah franchise dari luar. Saya nggak mau cuma men-translate berita. Di tempat saya bekerja saat ini, betapa terkagum-lagum dan teriri-irinya saya pada mereka yang dikirim meliput liga-liga sepakbola ke seluruh dunia, langsung dari lokasinya! Kalau saya khatam dunia bola, tanpa berfikir panjang saya langsung melamar ke redaksi. Sayangnya, saya sudah meninggalkan kecintaan saya terhadap dunia bola bersamaan dengan Steve McManaman hengkang dari Liverpool dan memilih Real Madrid.

Saya memang tidak into politics, tapi saya mau belajar. Tata bahasa saya mungkin masih belepotan, tapi kalimat 'willing to learn' di dalam CV saya bukan basa-basi kok. Saya berniat benar-benar belajar. Kalau sudah tercapai, saya ingin mewujudkan cita-cita saya yang lain lagi, membuat sebuah buku. Tapi itu masih lama, saya ingin orang menyebut saya sebagai 'wartawati' dulu, baru sebuah buku berkualitas akan menyusul di belakangnya. Pasti orang-orang di sekitar saya bangga ya kalau impian saya terwujud? Iya, itu yang selalu saya inginkan. Karena saya yang sekarang sepertinya blm bisa dibanggakan. Belum ada yang bisa dipamerkan. Bukan berarti ingin pamer, tapi saya ingin mereka bangga memperkenalkan saya pada dunianya. Lah, jadi curhat. Hihihihi. Ya maaf ya kan memang sedang melankolis.

Singkat cerita, saya berencana meninggalkan posisi dengan bayaran menggiurkan saat ini dengan mengejar cita-cita saya yang sesungguhnya. Menjadi jurnalis!

Blab.

Nothing beats the truth,
but you know it wouldn't be smooth.
When the time is right,
you know nothing on your sight.
It'll become a perfect blurs,
the decision is yours.

Creating ideal life of your own,
what if you still got none?
With a sore throat you screamed,
just how wrong have you been.
Go through the main plan,
you'll smile in the end.

Hatred won't take its vengeance,
still you lose your energy.
Everything's in God's hands,
So please, don't worry.

(^_^)

one morning.

Ada apa dengan cinta pagi ini ya? Bukan, maksudnya bukan AADC. Setelah bangun tidur dihajar dengan ym dan sms bertubi tubi dari orang-orang terdekat, mine was not any better either. What a melancholic morning. And nothing beats five for fighting on a melancholic feeling craving for love this morning. Enjoy, people!


I'm Dying, Dying to wake up without you, without you in my head again
I'm Dying, Dying to forget about you, that you ever lived
There's a shade come over this heart that's coping with laying down to rest
I'm Dying to live without you again

I'm Dying, Dying to find a distraction, get you away from me
I'm Dying, Dying to reach a conclusion, so that the world can see
It's the same old story of love and glory that broke before it bent
I'm Dying to live without you again

The first time you left I said goodbye
Now there's not a prayer that can survive

Dying, Dying to die just to come back so we can meet again
Dying, Dying to say what I always should have said
It's a strange emotion this but there's still hope in this
As long as there's a breath...
I'm Dying and I can't live without you again

It's a strange emotion this but there's still hope in this
As long as there's a breath...

I'm Dying and I can't live without you
I'm Dying and I can't live without you again

Holiday

I need a holidayyyy... hari libur.. hari suci... apalah... haaaaaa....... Hawaii come to me.... ahahaha ga tau diri amat ya pengen liburannya ke Hawaii. ya kemana aja deh... beneran kemana aja deh... tuh tuh kann my hairs are falling out. Pertanda kalo stress sudah berlebih. Urat-urat di kepala menonjol. urat bercampur rambut keriting membuat saya seperti medusa.

Lie.

I don't understand why people -including me- have to lie sometime. I mean, is there such thing like white lie? All I see from a lie is, people try to save themselves from catastrophe. But don't you think it isn't fair? It isn't fair for the person you lied to. I lied to people, most of the time it was my families i lied to. well, I didn't exactly tell lies, but I stirred my word so it sounded like it wasn't my fault. teeheee.. I know that was utterly bad. But what do you want me to do? See? Lying is just a form of self savior. no matter how hard i tried to prove myself that i was lying for the sake of everybody's goodness, i'd end up proving that i'm a bad person. zzzzzzzzzz... no matter how little the lies were, you see small things really do make a difference.

And i don't know why i have to be such an emotional bitch. and relationships are just not for a person like me. Relationships could be the total nervewrecking. Mantra.... mantra... sekarang sedang berusaha mengingat mantra... 'lahir sendirian.. mati dikubur sendirian.. hidup juga harus mandiri..' ayoo... think like that! think like that!!

oh and, karma's not a bitch. It's a reminder how bitchy you were before.

All in all, being grown ups are sucks. It would be wonderful if God allowed me to be an eternal infant. ok, that's weird.

Killing Time

The rules are simple. Use Google Image to search the answers to the questions below. Then you must choose a picture in the first page of results, and post it as your answer.” After that tag 10 People.

The age of my next birthday:

ok...ok... I know... I'm old... and the clock's tickiiinggg aaaaa!!

A place I'd like to travel to:

Definitely Venice

aaaanndd.... Hawaiii!!!

Favorite Places:

Seriously, when will Indonesia have this kind of bookstore?

My bedroom. Of course this picture's not my bedroom at friggin' all. But, I'd loooove to have one like that.

Pancious Pancake House. They served the best Carbonara in town. Enough said.

Favorite Food (s):

Pasta!

Any types of fried chicken! Yummy!

Favorite Things:

Books and lots of books!

Cute dresses!

Favorite color (s):

The city I've lived in:

4 years full of adventures! :-)

A nickname I have:

Babas!

A bad habit:

I'm too lazy to do anything...

The hobbies:

Read, write and walk does really make me feel alive!
errr... I don't really want to tag everyone since people leaving blogspot lately and moving out to tumblr. I still don't understand what tumblr's for. So I guess i stick to Blogspot. Better yet, there won't be more jobless people kepo-ing my page like it used to. teeheee.

cheers.

happy birthday to meeee!

I had my 23rd birthday on May 28th and right now, 4 days after the big day I still think I should dedicate a post to it, since, i think it's one of my best day in the year 2010. It started at midnight when my boyfriend came to my lodge, and he gave me this book i've been longing to have for quite a long time. It's 'Tell All' by my favorite author in this world. Chuck Palahniuk. I remembered couple of months ago, when we were still a pair of so called bestfriend, i read news on the net about Tell All book launching program in US and I told him how I hope this book will hit jakarta right on my birthday. And, he made it came true! I had no clue about what's this book about, but remember, it's Palahniuk's so it must be worth to buy! I was sooooooo happy of course.

The day after, we decided to go to Seaworld, ancol, to reminisce the past since we haven't gone there for a loooooooooooooooong time. It's happened to be Friday on long weekend period so Seaworld was pretty jam packed with people. But we made our way around to see amazing creatures of the sea. There are turtles, sharks, seahorses, and dugong! You won't believe how much similarities that we had. Like we both love to eat and laying around wasting our time for allll daaayyy long. Haha. But it's cute though.
But one thing's odd. I don't know if Seaworld has running out of ideas for what more creatures to put in their tanks, or Indonesian people are craving for more odd things, but now Seaworld has a python in one particular tank. Not only just that. They also had this big stage full of dancing snake and other odd snake's performances to cheer up the audience. And for me, it really was just sooo weiiirrdd.....

But we had a blasting day and it was quite fun! And he was taking lots of my pictures there and i was sooo happy. really. Then we sort of running out of ideas where to go later and decided to have lunch at McD. We took a shuttle bus, along with smelly alay2. hihihi. But then you guessed it right, McD was sooo full of human and we decided to eat pizza but we have to take a long walk back to reach Pizza Hut.
We stopped in the midlle because i already felt so tired and we decided to eat at Le Bridge. The funny thing is, we're both not a romantic couple, but ironically we ate in this sea side restaurant, sit in the sofa facing the sea. Hahaha just to hear it giving a romantic bumps on you doesn't it? But for us, it's pretty funny.

We decided to go back to my lodge after that because it's pretty exhausting. the day was hot too. So we go back by taxi to kota and we rode a busway to Setiabudi. We clearly can't stop ourselves from smiling. That's not it? nope. In saturday we had lunch together with my families and it's the first time he got to meet them even though my father's not there. and he left quite a good impression on them.

All in all, this is a good start. :-)


Kok kayanya narsis banget ya abis cerita panjang lebar terus foto ini yang gue pajang2? hahahaa. Abis, to be honest, lupa terus mau ngambil fotonya dari laptop rinov. Later on I'll upload the rest of it.

Back to the old way

What's the point in turning back the time, if we might just do the same mistakes all over again, on things we cannot resist?

Moving On.

People Fall. People Learn. People get up, then moving on. that's life. But when you move on, do you have to broke other person's heart? Can't you just go away? Can't other's heart just go numb about it? why do we have to hurt and get hurt? and why do we have to have feelings? can't we just breed without feelings?

new songs!

Currently listening to TOE featuring Toki Asako and currently addicted to it. They're a band and a singer from Japan. actually, TOE is playing instrumental music but they had Toki collaborated with them to sing at this song called 86. you should listen for yourself. and if you pay attention to their lyric, it's about the Hiroshima bombing in Japan. The number 86 refers to the date of the Bombing, 8-6-1945. BRILLIANT BRILLIANT work.

8.36 AM and my boss hasn't showed up yet.

Savikalpa Samadhi refers to the initial temporary state of full-valued samadhi. The conscious mind is still active, as is the kalpa, meaning imagination. One should compare this meaning to that of sankalpa, which is "wish." Kalpa takes on a different, but related, meaning to sankalpa because one must use imagination or consciousness (kalpa) to envision a wish or desire (sankalpa). Conversely, vikalpa means "against imagination." At this final level of samadhi, the mind has become quiet and given up its desires and attendant. Vikalpa leads to the Truth, releasing one from any binds of mind (which are mostly imaginations). In Savikalpa Samadhi, we get the taste of Bliss and Beingness, but are still attached to our erroneous identification with the body as well as to our numerous worldly attractions.

I'm not involved in any form of meditation fyi so the reason I bring this topic up is because my dearest friend, Ben, introduced me to this form of meditation or samadhi in Buddhist as the way to get the things I really want in life. He said I don't really have to do the meditation part but I just have to put it deep in my brain and soul that I CAN DO IT or I CAN GET WHAT I WANT. To put those words deep in your brain, it's an easy thing to do. but to really put it in yourself, your soul and really believe that you'll get those things you want, it's a hardwork. I mean we're only human afterall and doubt often comes to mind so many times in life but by believing in it, the world and the earth become this one whole powerful package of energy that will synergize with your soul and become this one powerfull power to make everything you want in life comes true. you just have to really REALLY believing in it.

I tried these theory and you know what, some of my list of things made it ways to reality. and it made me a more positive person in a way. well by sharing these, maybe you can try it too!