Books we bought last night.

"If you don't know what to do, you do nothing, don't you? Absolutely nothing. Then inwardly, you are completely silent. Do you understand what that means? It means that you are not seeking, not wanting, not pursuing; there is no centre at all. Then, there is love." - Jiddu Krishnamurti

Time froze, as we made our way back there once more.

23??

I hate it when people say, " Ah, kamu kan baru 23..." . Oh please, 23 itu bukan 'baru' ya, tapi 'udah'. In my humble opinion, the life after 23, time flies. You have almost no time to reach your dreams. Routines, traffic jam and time itself left no room for you to pursuit your biggest desire in your life, IF, you don't do something about it earlier. Well, maybe it isn't desire to be exact, but... hmm... passion. passion on things you really wanted to do then achieve something for it. I do not want to be known, I want to be remembered. and I think 23 supposed to be a good start, because you just graduated and your head still craving for knowledge.Not to self, there are soooo many people which succeed even at their younger age.

And look who I am right now. Stuck in a cubicle doing a job I don't even like (but unfortunately, I need this job), still have no clue on how to reach my dreams, and my efforts didn't seem like coming out ok.

the biggest problem of it all, WHY DO I HAVE TO ALWAYS PROCRASTINATE EVERYTHING? aaaarrrggggghhhh... Ben, haven't write anything :-ss I need time and inspirations :D and I promise I'll write soon. nyehehehehe.

ship.

Niat berburu scholarship berbuntut keluhan saya dengan grammar Bahasa Inggris yang masih berantakan. Ini yang juga agak menjadi pikiran saya dalam hal tulis menulis. Seorang pengarang favorit saya pernah mengatakan, jangan pernah berharap bisa menjadi penulis yang baik kalau nggak suka baca. Karena, dari mana ilham bisa datang dan gimana kemampuan menyusun kata itu bisa ada kalau nggak diasah lewat membaca? I do really love to read. and I'm dying to have my own library. Tapi pr-nya, kadang saya terlalu malas membaca buku-buku yang tergolong berat. Baru beberapa lembar saja saya bisa tertidur. Sementara cita-cita saya tidak hanya mau menulis chicklit, tapi menulis sebuah buku yang bermakna. Buku serius terakhir yang saya baca adalah Earth on a Balance - Al Gore dan bukunya Kegley yang buku wajib mahasiswa politik. hehehe. Terusssssssssssss kalo saya begini terus, gimana saya mau bikin motivational letter and most importantly, thesis dalam bahasa Inggris baku yang baik dan benarr??? pe er....

Akhirnya? Saya dapat PR dari Ben Laksana, my beloved bestfriend, untuk membuat sebuah tulisan dalam Bahasa Inggris yang nantinya grammar-nya akan dia betulkan. Giliran nggak disuruh, kenapa nulis ngalir aja ya? Giliran disuruh, malah bingung mau nulis apa. Dasar mental mahasiswa, disuruh-suruh malah mandek. -__-

Anyway, one invitation flown to my inbox. Czech Republic still waiting for my attendance in their conference and they're willing to wait for me until I am 25. The next conference's coming in December and once again, I have to skip. Kalo kata Mbak Dita, I am capable with financial incapability. hahaha. yeah fair enough. Mungkin sebelum umur 25 akan ada uang jatuh dari langit yang membuat saya bisa terbang ke Cheko. Karena, sebenernya sayang banget kalo nggak pergi mengingat disana saya bisa mempertanggung jawabkan sudut pandang saya mengenai human rights yang saya paparkan dalam tulisan yang saya kirim. please please God let it be true.

Tapi memang when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. Tadi pagi saya sedang memutar otak bagaimana selambat-lambatnya tahun depan saya bisa kuliah lagi, et voila! Saya dan Ben menemukan Fulbright and Thanks God he is my biggest supporter to get it. I am sooo lucky to have a bestfriend like you, Ben. not just correcting my grammar, we made promise to try it together. Journalism and Women Studies. But first, mau bikin tulisan apaaa.... zzzzzzzzzzzz....

I'm glad we figured things out. As our last desperate attempt to still be together, I hope this will work out well. I don't know if I should be glad to have you back or not, one thing for sure, I won't live my days with all those 'what if's' haunting my mind, and I will give it my best shot. cheers. :-)

Beautiful memories break me more than 'he's a jerk' mantra.
And ‎​I wanted to believe in that person so much that we only see what I wanted to see.
And hear what I wanted to hear.

God, I do have the world's excuse to be miserable today.

random post number well i lost track of it.

did you know?

ternyata Indonesia adalah ibukota Twitter di Asia Tenggara (penting abis) dan mengalami rate pertumbuhan tertinggi (dalam Twitter) ketiga setelah AS sama UK. The good thing is, it means Indonesians are all quite technology conscious. The bad thing is, when it comes to nyampah Indonesians juga paling bersemangat. I remember, Olla made me my Twitter account somewhere around November 2009 and I didn't really use it because hadn't really found the fun part of twittering rather than showing off your nothingness and your privacy to public. which is lame. but then, I have completely nothing to do in my office then I've become one of them yang suka nyampah di twitter. hahahaha. so I really do participate to those who successfully made Indonesia as a capital city of Twitter in South-east Asia. Hell yeah!

Looking into my smaller abs really do give some comfort to myself since Bali's coming at the end of october! yay! Ms. Haniza Thaharah, may we have a wonderful flight together (yeah right). But looking into my boobs and ass. Oh shees, I really do have to gain back some kilos. Later, after october pass. Because I want to show off my new bikini!

apalagi ya? tadi kaya banyak yang mau ditulis skrg lupa aja gitu. zzzzzzz

ayoo dooonggg bisa dooong... fffffuuuuuuccckkkk.... bisa dooonggg!!! aaarrrrggghhhhhh...

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1.02.28

Does God gonna punish me if I say I am in fact believing every single God and their meanings to their religions?

The Leap Year

So yesterday, I just watched The Leap Year and totally fallen in love with Matthew Goode. Oh God, mau bangeeeetttt punya pacar bule tinggi berantakan tampan and a home-bar owner like Declan O'callaghan. *drooling* Terus yang cuek cuek tapi diem-diem ngelamar gituuuu hahahaha. dan yang dingin sama wanita (nahhh ini nih yang paling penting nggak mencla mencle kesana kemari).somehow gue emang selalu suka sama film-film romantic comedy dengan alur from enemies to lovers gitu, and this is one of those movies. Bedanya, The Leap Year nggak ada norak-noraknya sama sekali dan di setiap kejadian yang supposed to be romantic, adaaaaa aja kejadian yang ngerusak scene itu. Padahal yang nonton udah nebak-nebak "abis ini pasti kissing scene.. abis ini mereka pasti liat2an terus kissing.." (hmmm ya atau otak gue aja yang terlalu porno) tapi semua tebak-tebakan itu salah saudara-saudara. Karena pasti ada something happen yang membuat moment itu rusak. Tapi jadi membangun rasa penasaran dan somehow bikin chemistry mereka makin dapet gitu dan gue ikut ngerasssaaaaa (sotoy berat)

One more point for this movie, it is setting up in Ireland jadi sepanjang film kita disuguhi pemandangan Dingle Peninsula, desa pinggir laut di Ireland which breathtakingly magnificent! Ada satu scene waktu mereka lagi nunggu kereta, stasiun keretanya tuh yang kecil dan dikelilingi rumput gituuuu bagus bangeeettt sumpaaahhh. dan sambil nunggu keretanya dateng mereka jalan-jalan ke reruntuhan kastil yang sumpaaahhhh bagusssss bangeeeetttt dan Matthew Goode ganteeeeng bangeeetttt (tetep). dan ada satu scene mereka lagi di depan danau gitu, sebenernya danaunya sih yaa iya sihhh baguss tp kayanya di Indonesia juga banyak yang kaya gitu minus alay-alaynya. Tapi pengambilan gambarnya tuh pas malem jadi mereka berdua cuma siluet dan cahaya bulannya mantul-mantul gitu ke air danaunya. HADOOOOHHH GILAAAA MAU BANGET GUEEEEE.

awww.. *ngiri*

oh dan ini agak spoiler so don't continue reading if you planning on watching this movie. jadi endingnya, si Amy Adams itu dilamar di tebing-tebing tinggi Dingle gitu and they kissed. aaahhh gilaaaa pas nonton itu gue nangisssss dengan bencongnya gue nangissss doooong... nggak tau kenapa tapi sumpah ngirinya pooollll. fakkeee aaahhh.

dan quote yang gue inget dari film ini:
“May you never steal, lie or cheat. But if you have to steal, then steal away my sorrows. If you have to lie, then lie with me all the nights of our life. If you have to cheat, then cheat death because I don’t want to live a day without you”

Gilaaaa orang gombal manaaa yang bisa bikin kata-kata seperti itu. but it was such a beautiful words to say. dan kalo ada... KALO ADA cowo yang ngomong gitu ke gue, gue pasti akan terjun ke laut saking malu-malu tapi maunya. awww...

Dan gue suka banget sama konsep "what would you grab if you have only 60 seconds to leave the building when it's on fire?"

Tapi kalo wedding vow, nggak ada yang ngalahin wedding vow-nya Paul Morgan di Did You Hear About The Morgan sih:

"I promise never to take you for granted or utter a word unkind. Never allow my affections to be recanted or stop marveling at your behind. To also marvel at your warmth, your wit, your refusal to condone animal slaughter, your wisdom, your laugh, your inability to boil water. To be your best friend for the rest of my life and to thank the God ,you're not sure about, for fooling you into being my wife."

He wrote it based on Meredith yang nggak bisa masak, anggota PETA yang asli vegetarian dan seorang Agnostic yang nggak percaya Tuhan and it is strangely beautiful when people play words to express their feelings. hahaha. udah ah pagi-pagi gue udah nggak jelas.

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1.02.28

Day 1 : Few Years Later...

Bangun pagi ini rasanya sama sekali nggak ada semangat. Semua rencana di kepala buyar. Pengen baca buku kok ya males banget, pengen nonton DVD kok ya sama malesnya. The mood sort of gallops away along with the popularity of Friendster. Hyaaa perbandingannya hahaha. Hari beranjak siang dan mendapat pencerahan dengan Olla ngajak keluar. To be honest, I miss my girls. I miss sharing my points and my dreams with them. Dan ternyata, jalan-jalan berdua saja sama Olla itu memang selalu menyenangkan dan kita sangat menikmati moment-moment berdua ini, sounds so lesbo, right? Hahaha. Sebentar kita sempet flashback ke Bandung dimana aku sama Olla seriiiiiiing banget milih jalan-jalan berdua aja daripada rame-rame.

Tapi pertemuan kali ini ternyata berakhir jauh lebih menyenangkan dibanding pertemuan-pertemuan lainnya. Kenapa? Karena we're not (only) gossiping tapi melibatkan obrolan asah otak duo feminis yang seringkali berpandangan sama tentang feminisme dan hak asazi manusia yang kemudian berbuntut ke impian yang sama.

Diawali dengan obrolan tentang prihatinnya kita berdua sama kodrat perempuan yang seringkali terdegradasi dengan mengatasnamakan agama dan tradisi budaya. Dari kuliahnya, Olla tau kalau perempuan-perempuan di Kenya itu harus disunat klitorisnya sebelum menikah dan pria yang sanggup membeli klitoris itu mau nggak mau harus jadi suaminya. Nggak peduli dia kakek-kakek negro hitam kelam yang sudah bergelambir (double yucks!). Nggak usah jauh-jauh deh, di Indonesia juga ada kaum Larian di Lubuk Linggau yang perempuannya sama sekali dilarang berbicara dengan laki-laki. Kalau ketahuan ngobrol saja, si laki-laki itu harus menikahi perempuannya. Gimana kalau someday si perempuan ini ketemu sama laki-laki yang bener-bener dia cinta? Ya laki-laki itu harus membeli si perempuan dari tangan sang suami dengan jumlah yang ditentukan oleh suaminya. cerita tentang perempuan yang 'diperjualbelikan' begini sih udah paling common kayanya. Apalagi di daerah Timur Tengah dan Eropa Timur. Jangan kaget kalau ada yang liburan di sana tau-tau ada laki-laki yang mau ngelamar dengan dituker sekian onta. Ya memang begitu. Tapi kan sangat-sangat tidak fair ya kalau perempuan lantas dijadikan komoditas perdagangan hanya karena mengatas namakan budaya dan tradisi.

Kasus yang lagi hot-hot-pop sih soal perempuan Iran yang mau dihukum rajam dengan tuduhan perzinahan dan membunuh suaminya sendiri. Padahal di penjara dia juga sudah dicambuk 99 kali dan itu dirasa masih kurang. Lho, siapa ya manusia jadi main hakim sendiri begitu? Tapi coba kita berargumen dengan orang yang menganut Islam keras, pasti hukuman itu dianggap pantas dan sudah diatur dalam Al-qur'an dan siapalah aku menentang hukum aturan sebuah agama. Tapi ini persis dengan yang pernah aku utarakan sama seseorang, bahwa identitas manusia sebagai makhluk beragama terkadang mengalahkan rasionalitas manusia sebagai makhluk yang hakiki. yang memiliki kewajiban dan hak-hak hidup yang harus dipenuhi. Tak heran kadang agamaku dianggap agama yang anarkis oleh banyak orang karena masih sangat banyak umatnya yang dibutakan fanatisme. Sama halnya dengan Ahmadinejad yang kemudian mengata-ngatai Carla Bruni sebagai seorang pelacur hanya karena Carla mendukung gerakan-gerakan feminis di Perancis yang menuntut si wanita Iran dibebaskan.

Dalam budaya Jawa saja masih ada beberapa bagian yang mendiskreditkan perempuan lho. Contohnya ritual pecah telor yang kemudian kaki suami dibasuh oleh wanita dalam pernikahan. Kenapa yang kotor-kotor harus perempuan yang basuh? Berarti kalau suaminya berbuat salah, kita sebagai perempuan juga harus manut dan menutupi kesalahan suami kita dong? Padahal sebagai seorang manusia yang dikaruniai akal budi, seharusnya kita tahu mana yang benar dan yang salah (I salute my Mom for this one, one hell of an independent woman!).

Obrolan-obrolan itulah yang kemudian bikin aku dan Olla sadar kalau kita itu nggak boleh jadi ordinary, tapi kita harus jadi 'somebody'. 'Somebody' itu nggak diukur dari seberapa kaya rayanya kita nanti tapi kita harus bisa membantu orang-orang yang membutuhkan bantuan kita kelak. Daaannn aku sama Olla mau bikin perusahaan non-profit sendiri nanti. Nanti perusahaan ini di-breakdown ke dalam sektor pendidikan, bantuan, dan media. Yang megang sektor media pastinya aku dooong karena aku masih mimpi ingin jadi media mogul suatu hari nanti :D. Fokusnya ke bidang informasi dan komunikasi, jadi mengedukasi orang-orang lewat media cetak, online dan televisi dengan program-program mendidik. saaahhh cakeeeeppp! Pas banget sama visi misi nu aing!

Pendidikan sendiri akan mewujudkan rencana Olla sama Jablay yang mau bikin sekolah berkualitas internasional dengan harga terjangkau di luar jakarta (menghindari pajak gedung dan bangunan yang selangit di ibukota), plus toko-toko buku dan perpustakaan yang merata ke seluruh pelosok negeri (Mbak Dita, you could join me here). Sektor bantuan nanti bentuknya akan lebih ke LSM yang membantu kepentingan wanita dan anak-anak di negeri ini terutama yang berasal dari keluarga kurang mampu. Minimal distribusi pendidikan, kesehatan dan nutrisi itu tersampaikan dengan baik ke mereka. Kelihatannya muluk? Wah, nggak kok. Aku sangat bersyukur selama kuliah dianugerahi sahabat-sahabat yang luar biasa pintar dengan idealisme tinggi. Kalau otak dan idealisme kita disatukan, pasti mimpi ini nanti bukan hanya sekedar jadi isapan jempol. Dan pasti banyak dari temen-temen yang mau kan? Terutama yang dari jaman kuliah pengen ngelanjutin S2 gender nih kaya aku sama Olla. Ya kan ya kan?

Tapi yang utama, modal pendidikan dan pengalamannya sendiri harus cukup di bidang ini kalau someday bener-bener pengen usaha itu terwujud. Olla udah mulai sekolah dan sekarang giliran aku. Setelah tau kalau tiap tahun biaya S2 naik terus, aku bertekad pulang ke rumah dan ngomong sama Mama Papa kalau aku pingin sekolah lagi. Mumpung semangat dan otak aku lagi membara banget. Akhirnya aku pulang dan dengan lantang bilang ke Mama Papa kalau aku mau sekolah lagi. Aku mau daftar tahun ini juga dan tahun depan mulai kuliah. Aku nggak mau ditunda lagi dan aku masih pingin belajar. Aku bahkan udah kebayang desertasinya akan tentang apa nanti. Aku pengen bahas tentang lembaga advokasi wanita yang tentunya beroperasi secara non-profit dan membantu memberantas ketidak adilan yang dihadapi wanita dalam bidang hukum. Dan itu nggak gampang lho. Ancaman, didatangi preman, sampai disantet sudah jadi makanan wanita-wanita di LSM ini. Tenang Mbak-Mbak, saya akan segera menjadi bagian dari kalian! AMIN!

TEBAK!! Alhamdulillah Mama setuju... (menangis terharu) dan habis lebaran aku mau daftar ke UI Salemba untuk ngambil bidang studi Kajian Wanita. Semoga nggak ada gagal-gagal lagi untuk rencana kali ini. AMIIN.

Tuh kaaan... Day 1 tidak nyampah dan malah berbuntut positif. Alhamdulillah...
Anyway, selamat merayakan lebaran ya semuanya! Mohon maaf lahir bathin. Somehow, aku sedih denger suara Takbir berkumandang. Tahun ini memang berbeda dan aku sendiri nggak ngerti kenapa aku sedih dengar suara takbir. *sigh*

buset panjang bener... selamat siwer buat yang baca.

four days of nothingness.

Working has been sooooo boring lately but thanks God I have 4 days holiday in a row so I can rest a bit. But I have to cope with reality that I cannot go to Lombok this holiday, yeah blame it on the ticket rate. So, I have to stay around, while my family will leave Jakarta for Malang start in 11th September. Yeah, being alone in my house sounds sooooo exciting! But, I've plan. So, I made this little project called 'Four Days of Nothingness' where I have to make this four days less 'nyampah' eventhough I have to be alone in my house. And I'm gonna report my activities here, every single day. Actually, this is day one and I already made a progress. So tomorrow has to be more exciting. yay!

calm down. I'll be right back because I have to eat first. But I'm gonna share this happy news to you all later THIS night and I can't waiiitttt :D

Jujur gue sangat terganggu dengan lagu terbaru Agnes Monica dimana dia harus teriak-teriak nggak penting dan merusak keseluruhan lagu. To make it worst, every single radio station play it sepanjang gue dalam perjalanan. AAARRRRGGGGHHH!!! Stop showing off your voice, Missy! I'm not even impressed. You just make it even more sounds 'lebay' than it should be. Yeah, maybe I'm just one crazy girl who don't like you at all among all those freaking people who thinks you have a good voice.

okay. start to miss my point. :|

See you guys later!

kenapa satu kata maaf harus cukup?

memangnya memori itu bisa terhapus dengan maaf ya?
kalau kesalahan yang sama diulang berkali-kali,
apa maaf itu sudah cukup?
Terus kalo ada yang lebih lagi dari maaf, apa dong namanya? Bukan, bukan ampun. Ampun itu sepertinya lebih ke konteks manusia dan Tuhan atau tuan dengan budaknya.
Tapi seharusnya ada yang lebih dari maaf. seharusnya ada. karena maaf saja tidak cukup ternyata. Mungkin tindakan nyata kali ya? Tindakan nyata yang juga bisa disebut usaha.
Berlebihan?
Tidak juga. Coba diputar balikkan posisinya.
Sekali ini saya benar-benar muak dengan masalah 4L ini. Soal Lu Lagi Lu Lagi masalahnya.
Bisa nggak give me a break dan menjaga sikap?
saya juga bisa lakukan apapun yang saya mau.

hmm...
Tadinya udah mantep banget mau nulis.
Dengan segenap ide yang siap diluncurkan dalam uraian panjang lebar.
Tapi nggak jadi.
I think it's too harsh.
Eventhough I know this harsh reality is true.
and I'm just sick of these people. well, sometimes. Unfortunately, some of them happen to be my friends. some of them happen to, well, add more spice to my relationships.
Well well people. Take a look at yourself in the mirror before talking.
Tapi sebenernya takut kualat sih.
Takut menjadi bagian dari mereka.
Hahahahahaha.
eh astaghfirullaaahhh
bulan puasaaaaa
tp nggak tahan.
zzzzzzzzzz.

reminder.

List of things to do and I mean to REALLY do it and not just another crap list:

1. re-arrange my bookshelf. yup mine starts to get overloaded with my new books. And I have to re-arrange it according to its author and my most favorite collections. Books I like the most will placed at the very top of the shelf and it's going down to my less favorite collections at the very bottom.
Believe it or not, Indonesian author included at the top collections of course with their chicklit books and all. You know what, I've compared the chicklit from Indonesia and other countries such as Europe or US and I can tell Indonesian female authors are waaaayyyyyy smarter than them. our Indonesian chicklits are better than the foreigners one. It could totally bring up some cool social topics and conversation rather than just problems about break-up, make-up, sex and find a new guy. so, do not underestimate the power of putih abu-abu. lho? hahaha. maksudnya do not underestimate Indonesian's literature. Ok, started to miss my point. next!

2. Make another brownies. It's been awhile since the last time I bake my own cake and freeze my own pudding. Post fasting month seems like the perfect time to start to cook again. brownies brownies, I promise I'm gonna make another you in September. :-) whoever break up with me, will soooooooooooo regret it. hahahahaha. no no. kidding. you wouldn't like my brownies anyway. sometimes it tasted weird. hehe. well i'm gonna eat them and make myself sooooo faaaaaatttt 'till no one would recognize me anymore.

3. Find another bikini. ticket to lombok has been booked, still don't know if it's gonna happen. Apart from that, I really need a new bikini. Correction, not 'need' but 'want'. I have 1 in white paradise motif and another in purple rainbow bikini. still I want something more decent to wear. the first one's not really comfortable and the second one made of fabrics so it's no good to use it to swim.

4. Read more papers and updating current issues of this country. come on come on! be a smart woman and a good friend of discussion! *clap clap*

5. Write more meaningful post. rather than just mourning my lost. oh come on giiirrrlll..... chin up! You need to get your glow back.

6. Find 'Hari Untuk Amanda' DVD. some people said it is really sad and I'm totally in the mood to make my eyes swollen. Let's have some melancholic weekend everyone!

7. Starts to write another long story. The timing's just perfect. couple of days ago I watched Stranger Than Fiction, I think it's the only serious movie Will Ferrel has ever made. Anyway Emma Thompson's character makes me miss writing stories. And the movie just great. For some people, maybe it's boring and rather absurd. But I agree that every story in a book represents the real story of someone's real life. It only has a unique way of showing it. you should watch it for yourself and don't be confused if it's a major boring to you. haha. no no it's not that bad. But hell yeah I miss quality time with my laptop. I'm gonna take you home tonight, laptop tanpa nama. :-)

seperti kentang ya cuma tujuh? nggak apa-apa deh. yang lain menyusul. semoga terlaksana!

miauw.

Masiiihhh aja basss... basss...
Masiiih aja jealous.
Masiiih aja kaypoh.
by the way I just knew that kaypoh means kepo in cantonese or something.
funny how they have a similar pronunciation and a similar meaning while they're coming from two totally different areas.
Have a great day everyone!

mourn.

Have you met a new girl?
Yesterday, someone asked me out. the one whom I canceled, because I chose to see you.
A smart girl who really wants to move on, would've said 'yes' because this might be the chance to really move on.
And I said, 'no. I can't.'
I am not ready.
There's something really wrong with my brain.

I rarely read science-fiction or fantasy books in English. I prefer to watch them as a movie rather than reading page by page of the book forcing my brain to visualize every single detail in it where I was sure it's gonna be exhausting. Like, when you see Coraline (one of Neil Gaiman's masterpiece FYI) in animation movies, it's wonderful. All the dreamy plants, the 'other family' figures, Mr. bobinsky's circus, it were all unbeatable. But if I have to read it, first, I have to read it, translate it, picture it equals to exhaustion. so If I have to read fantasy books, I prefer the Indonesian one. Easy to understand, and not needed so much work just to visualize it perfectly. well, now, this Neil Gaiman's "Fragile Things" really do change my perception.

One month ago, Wita forced me to buy this book just because she wanted to buy "Love The One You're With" (which later she regretted haha) so when she finishes her book, she could borrow mine. Yeah, smart way, Girl. So half heartedly, I bought this book. When I first read it, ok, I have a hard time understanding his language and imagining it at the same time. So I put it down for a couple a days until I completely ran out of 'what to do' so I continued reading it. up to the 3rd stories, I cannot put it down. It's a darker book and I loooove this one. Full of ghosts, zombies, urband legend, unexplainable stories, monsters, magical circus and everything. I mean this is really good. you'll crammed your head with imagination but it's worth it. Too bad they're just short stories and poems so some of all the endings are hanging in mid air. I didn't really read the poems simply because I couldn't understand it. but they have great conceptions. one of the poems (forgot the exact titles) tells the life of a man through his blab when his drunk, the others are characters of a tarot card, and he tried to explain the characters of human through ladies. Hell I am lost of words to describe it. Magically awesome.

Reading and imagining it at the same time wasn't so bad afterall.
I bought the one which looks exactly like this and when I searched it on the internet, it's the greatest cover of the others. Happy reading everyone! :-)

Just as what I thought it would be, my mom wouldn't let me go out from my work to let me have my little fun abroad. Risking something too big and important (my job) for something too short and unimportant. Or, if I still want to go. I have to sell my car which will pissing off my brother. well apart from that, I wouldn't sacrifice my family just for my own good anyway.

well, another dream falling apart.

hey you guys with a multimillion dollar daddy. you should be thankful, kid.

fuck you guys for being so lucky.

remind me why I should do the interview? Just to get fail? failed relationship. failed job. failed family. failed dreams. FAIL. I got it now. My life is a one hell of a joke.

"i said go for it! you'll find a new job.
kalo rejeki juga ga kemana kan? ;p "

kenapa harus mbak dita yang ngomong gini sih, mbak? kenapa bukan mama? thanks for the support anyway. ;-(

hahaha ga bisa cerita ke siapa-siapa kan. kampret. share disini aja deh. Baiklah teman-teman penyimak blog yang saya cintai, hari Sabtu besok mau interview AIESEC. Aduh kalo misalkan keterima, this is once in a lifetime chance sih. Kapan lagiiiii kapan lagiiii ke luar negeri serba ditangguuunggggg.... tapi kerjaan aing kumaha? nanti kalo pergi belum tentu aing bisa balik lagi kemari kerja di kantor ini. AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!! But I want this...

"Mom, I want to teach children. I want to see the world."

(my own words. echoing inside my head.)

ok, it really cracked me up

one perfect post-breakup song:

Pink

the Carey Hart part is pretty cute anyway. Pink wrote this song when they decided to get divorced and published later when they're get back together. awww... cute!