dull.

Dari kemarin gue pengen banget nulis sesuatu, tapi sumpah blank parah aja gitu. Apppaaaa apppaaaa appppaaa?? Pertanda hidup gue semakin dull akibat tidak ada pekerjaan yang bisa dilakukan. Udah berapa hari ini gue kerjaannya bener-bener buka Youtube seharian. Ya paling nelpon client, cas cis cus dua menit terus beres. Lah tapi terus apa kabar sisa 7 jam 58 menit sisa jam kerja gue?? Haaa?? Haaa?? Gue sampe khatam video-videonya Record Club saking beneran cuma itu yang bisa gue lakukan seharian. Daaannn kalo udah gabut berat gini, biasanya gue jadi cranky. Beneran dari kemarin gue cuma ingin marah sejadi-jadinya. Denger orang bersin-bersin, gue kesel. Nggak tau kenapa gue nggak suka banget denger orang bersin. Apalagi menurut gue bersin itu cukup sekali aja. Zzzzzzzzz.... apppeeeee lagi. Namanya orang bersin mana bisa diatur kan? Tapi gimana dong? Gue kesel dengernya. Denger suara sepatu 'ketak-ketok-ketak-ketok' gue pengen marah. Orang ngajakin gue ngobrol, gue kesel. Kaya gue cuma pengen diem aja gitu di dalam bubble gue dan orang-orang nggak boleh masuk.

I don't wanna seeee!!!!!!!

hahaha. here's to you so called ex boyfriend.

honestly.

'cause there's no place that I could be without you
it's too dark to discard the life I once knew
honestly, a single wrong is not enough
to cover up the pain in us
'cause when I think of you as mine
and allow myself with time
to lead into the life we want
I feel loved, honestly
I'll make a joke so you must laugh
I'll break your heart so you must ask
is this the way to get us back
I don't know, honestly
I don't know, this honestly

I admit, Saraswita has made me paying close attention to every song's lyric.
Kenapa Billy Corgan selalu mendadak keren kalo udah megang gitar?
Dan kemanakah D'arcy Wretzky? Ada yang tau nggak kiprahnya sekarang setelah her plastic surgery gone wrong? Sayang banget yaaa.... menurut gue dia wanita terkeren ketiga setelah Brody Dalle dan Melissa Auf Der Maur...
Kalo James Iha masih solo karier ya?
Aaaaaarrrrgggghhhhhh I want Smashing Pumpkins back to the music industry!! memang band-band era 90-an itu jauuuuhhhh lebih keren daripada band-band anak muda jaman sekarang. Iya nggak sih?
Eh iya gue tau ini yang nyanyi Zwan... tetep aja Billy corgan keren...

semangka strawberry

Morning everyone!!

Hahaha gue memberi judul demikian karena lagi liat resep jus semangka strawberry di majalah..

Anyway, seperti biasa, si gabut ini menjadi yang paling pagi nyampe di kantor. Bengong... Bengong.... Pikiran kemana-mana... Terus tau-tau inget. Kan pasti semua pernah denger, "Dimana ada keinginan, disitu ada jalan..". Tapi kok menurut gue, iya emang dimana ada keinginan pasti ada jalan. Tapi kenapa ketika ada keinginan juga pasti terbentang hambatan. Iya kan? Iya kan? Kenapa ya semuanya tuh nggak lancar-lancar aja sesuai dengan yang direncanakan? Gunanya hambatan itu apa sih? menentukan apakah in the end kita cukup qualified? atau emang ya simply nggak ada penjelasannya? ya hambatan ada aja gitu.

dan seperti biasa hari ini gue merasa rather odd. Kenapa ya kenapa ya kenapa ya? Hey, hands and feet, stop sweating!

sucks at making title

Tiba-tiba teringat lagunya Adele - To Make You Feel My Love. It used to be my favorite song dan sekarang kembali teringat betapa menggetarkan jiwa raganya lagu ini. zzzz lebay. Sayangnya, gue nggak tau caranya live streaming dari sini. ahiahiahaiahaiahaiaha. BUAT YANG TERTARIK ATAU INGIN TAHU, cari sendiri lagunya ya. ahahaha. Eh barusan liat video klipnya juga. Simple but touching. penyakit cewek-cewek kalo malem-malem lagi sendirian, GATEL! ahahaha. Watch it for yourself and enjoy the vids! Cups.

photo caption : "Kill me. Please. Just Kill me."

Is there any car who wants to accidentally bumped me in the road? If there's any, please be my guest.

Do you know how it feels to take someone as your bestfriend (even more than just a bestfriend) and you got that someone thinks of you as... well... past... or even worse... as nothing? Many relationships i know lack of friendship in it. Well, have a good try, everyone. It's worth the bleeding to be with someone who's actually really worth it. Not everyone can make you happy, if you find someone who makes you happy, then don't you ever ever let go. Me? Well, I'm not that worth it I supposed. I'm not worth all the efforts or the tears let alone all the blood to fight for. Maybe one thing I should learn (again) is, let go... let go of everything beyond your control. :-)

Though the body moves, the soul may stay behind.

at least I hope so.

home.

One of the best feeling in the world, isn't it?

I don't even know what to write. I sit here, staring at this page, and I don't know what to do, what to write. I'm just thinking, why am I here? Why everything should be this messed up? I remember one quote, "Home is not a place. It's People.". If that's true, then I don't know where my home is, other than in my mother's arms, where I feel so safe, secure, and everything will be just fine. A bit hallucination i felt for a second I lied there. I decided to go back home for several days, and I hope it would give me some rest when actually it just adds up more things to crammed my head. Where did I do so wrong? Why does everything had to be this fucked up in my life?

Hey you guys with so many works to do, I envy you. When you feel so lost, you have something to remind you that you're needed. At least to do the job that you do. God, stop punish me with things I didn't do. Terkadang saya bersyukur saya sangat kecil, jadi tidak ada yang bisa melihat air mata saya meleleh di balik kubikel yang luas ini.

Alive

I really do miss my college life...... Hey friends, how are you and what are you up to?

bestfriends.

You don't know how lucky you are, may you have a wonderful journey ahead and I'm so proud of you two, smart women! :-)

I know we had this dream together now I'm sorry I'm the one who couldn't make it. We've always been together since 7th grade and now we're going separate ways I guess. Well, God knows how much I'll miss you both... :-)

Based On?

Before I go on rambling, I should warn you who care enough to read my blog that this is my blog and I can write whatever I want to. (ciyee berasa banyak yang baca.. But it's a preventive action so i still think the warning's pretty important). The reason is, this blue morning I want to talk some rather personal issue of mine. I want to write it without having to blurt it all out to people but I still don't know how. It's just a short thought but you have to work your ass off to really thinking about it if you have the same thought as mine. If it goes well, you can make your own conclusion, yes??

What is your relationship based on?
If it's love, I have plenty. But Patty Smith says something along the lines of Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough in one of her songs, and unfortunately I have to agree with her. So, I'm sure love is just the small part of it.
If it's trust, I have... well... none. That's bad remembering some people think trust is a main component for relationship otherwise it won't work. At least it won't work well.
If it's honesty, well I already try to gave my best. But I don't know about the other person. And I think, trust intertwined with honesty to create a healthy and loyal relationship. So how could you trust someone, without honesty in it?
If it's support, then it's awesome.
If it's respect, well I have to work on that one since I lose control everytime I got mad. And I can't treat other people that way. But if I may defend myself, I do that because someone hurt me so bad. if i may not defend myself, then consider me guilty.
If it's sex, well without having so much to say, relationship based on just only sex is the unhealthy one. Agree?
If it's passion. I don't know if it's still like what it used to. Everyone wants to be passionate about everything but we're all just human afterall. We got tired, and we got bored. Damn.

All in all, you don't work on a relationship. If you do, then something must be wrong.

weakness.

By giving this kind of tolerance, I, uncounsciously let my weakness get in my way.
Gue temperamental sih, tapi bukannya gue berhak tau? Dan bukannya gue udah berusaha transparan juga?
Begini ini nih, innnniiii yang gue maksud dengan people slowly forgetting the fairness concept once they
got into relationships. Errrr, Vira Arvianda, berhubung td malem kita bbman,
Pasti lo setuju sama gue. Benci kan lo kalo kelemahan lo akan lawan jenis masssssssssiiiiiihhhhh aja ga ilang. I was way more stronger back then when I don't have the word '+boyfriend' at the back of my name.
Feminis feminis nanggung. Blurgh.

"I respect all those people who hate me because...
my "middle-finger" rises up to salute them."
-ihatequotes

sweetest surprise.

Pagi-pagi saya dikejutkan dengan sebuah post dari Ben, my best friend. Selama ini saya cinta menulis, tapi saya tidak pernah menunjukkan satu pun tulisan saya kepada Ben. Alasannya, bagi saya Ben sahabat yang sangat pintar dan saya tak merasa sebanding dengannya. Nggak mungkin orang seperti Ben melirik tulisan saya yang tidak ada apa-apanya dibandingkan tulisannya yang sudah pernah menghiasi The Jakarta Post. Makanya, saya merasa terharu ketika ia memasukkan sepenggal tulisan saya ke dalam tumblrnya. Lebih terharu lagi ketika ia bilang ia bangga memiliki teman seperti saya. Aww... that is so touching ben. This is what he said in his tumblr :

"Anyway, a few days ago I opened one my best friend’s blog, Babas, read a few of her quite interesting and random postings but one specific posting caught my attention. A posting entitled jurnalis. I don’t usually read other people’s blog that’s why I don’t really follow many people on my tumblr (i follow only 37 blogs on tumblr and most of them are those wicked photo blogs that’s just a feast for the eyes) but sometimes there are postings of my friends that are quite nice and heart touching to read."
"I always loved knowing what people want to do with their future. Their dreams, vision, desires, etc and seeing my best friend to actually want to become a journalist brings a smile to my face. Here’s an excerpt from her post:

Saya memang tidak into politics, tapi saya mau belajar. Tata bahasa saya mungkin masih belepotan, tapi kalimat ‘willing to learn’ di dalam CV saya bukan basa-basi kok. Saya berniat benar-benar belajar. Kalau sudah tercapai, saya ingin mewujudkan cita-cita saya yang lain lagi, membuat sebuah buku. Tapi itu masih lama, saya ingin orang menyebut saya sebagai ‘wartawati’ dulu, baru sebuah buku berkualitas akan menyusul di belakangnya. Pasti orang-orang di sekitar saya bangga ya kalau impian saya terwujud? Iya, itu yang selalu saya inginkan. Karena saya yang sekarang sepertinya blm bisa dibanggakan. Belum ada yang bisa dipamerkan. Bukan berarti ingin pamer, tapi saya ingin mereka bangga memperkenalkan saya pada dunianya. Lah, jadi curhat. Hihihihi. Ya maaf ya kan memang sedang melankolis.

Singkat cerita, saya berencana meninggalkan posisi dengan bayaran menggiurkan saat ini dengan mengejar cita-cita saya yang sesungguhnya. Menjadi jurnalis!

"Awesome huh? I’m proud having a friend like her. I’m proud having friends that knows what they want in their lives and will do anything to achieve that dream of their’s. And because of this reason too, I love my girlfriend. hahaha."

Persahabatan kami tidak pernah manis. Kasar, namun erat. Bahkan melebihi orang-orang yang terbiasa bicara lembut. Tak pernah berisi dukungan semu, tapi sarat dengan saran-saran realistis dan penyadaran bahwa hidup memang terkadang pahit, namun saya tidak sendirian. Saya ingat, Ben paling tidak suka kalau saya mengeluh. Dan setiap saya ditimpa masalah, ia yang mengajari saya untuk menjadi wanita yang kuat and willing to take control. Makanya, meskipun saat ini kami berjauhan, saya tetap terbiasa bercerita dengan Ben kemudian saling menyumpah serapahi masalah kami masing-masing. Hahahaha. That's what i called 'so sweet'.


Last but not least, saya bersyukur dikelilingi para sahabat yang idealis dan selalu memberi dukungan positif. Sahabat-sahabat saya tidak ada yang terjebak bekerja di bank hanya karena iming-iming gaji besar atau karena hanya itulah lowongan yang banyak tersedia bagi fresh graduate. Sejak baru lulus kami sudah berkutat mengejar mimpi di bidang kami masing-masing. As for the ladies, tidak ada yang hanya ingin bekerja karena kewajiban kemudian bermimpi untuk menikah. Nope, we're far more than that and that's what I love about them. Guys, I'm so proud of you and I know we will be magnificent! :-)


a friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are. fuck you guys for being so awesome.
-Ben. K. C. Laksana

meet him.

This is me and my new boyfriend. The one who sent me ups and downs for this past four months, the greatest partner and the worst enemy. Thanks for the knowledge, times and efforts you've been giving. Everything's been great and I love you THIS MUCH. I heart you more by the day boyfriend! :)


PS : We made this together. By 'made this together' I mean i just pocoyized our figures, sent it to him and he did the rest of the works. Aren't they cute? I've always been the small one and he made it exactly that way. And yours is so you, boyfriend. Love it! :)

It Was So Much Fun

Padahal baru 3 bulanan nggak ketemu (kecuali gue sama Wita yang tiap bulan pasti ketemu) tapi hebohnya ngalah-ngalahin yang udah nggak ketemu berapa taun gitu. Tapi gue seneng deh setelah pada kerja mau ketemu jadi gampang. Nggak kaya waktu kuliah yang kepisah-pisah parah, yang di Jakarta cuma Arief doang. Wita sama Benz di UPH kan itungannya udah jakarta coret nyet. Terus kalo mau jalan harus nungguin Fiki balik dari Manchester dulu. Zzzzz.... Itupun harus bagi-bagi sama ceweknya Fiki. Yang paling seru waktu mereka pada bohongin pacar-pacarnya dan rame-rame ke Bandung nyamperin gue waktu puasa. hahahahaha. Durhaka lo semua.

Oiya, itu kuenya buat Bink yang malemnya ulangtahun, tapi kita nggak ada yang nemenin Benz bikin surprise karena..... males. AHAHAHAHA. Gini deh kalo temenan kelamaan semua udah seenak jidat masing-masing. Tapi kan demi Bink gue sama Wita gantian mengarahkan AC ke kuenya dan kita nganterin Benz beli lilin sama topi. Hahaha. Bentuk cinta kasih kami berdua kepadamu, Benz. Sayang aja ya tadi malem Rio banyak pasien dan Fiki nggak pede karaoke karena takut jadi kaya Giant, padahal kita seru-seruan goyang dangdut dan headbanging. Ah, nyesel deh yang nggak ikut. Hihihi.

Benz jangan ngomel-ngomel mulu. Terimalah kenyataan temen-temen cewek lo ini pada 'belok'. teehehehehe....

huhuhuuuu... pengen muffin... pengen kue... sedih banget ya kalo di kantor temennya ibu-ibu semua dan cewek-cewek seumuran gue AE yang aktif-aktif banget cabut dr kantor untuk ketemu client. huhuhuuu pengen cakes.. nggak tau beli dimana.. :-(

Fairness.

Fairness equals to being fair and equity. In life, being fair means treat another person the way you hope to be treated, you gave A, you got A. But in life, there are so many factors turned people into bad and eventually forgetting the fairness concept. I heard someone said this, 'only the naive forgive and forget', well maybe only the naive try to be fair either. I am not a saint, but I always try my best to be fair. treat people the way I hope to be treated. But I guess it's gonna be easier if we just screw the fairness and turned it to 'do whatever you want to do'. I'm sick of thinking 'how they feels if i treat them bad, and I don't want to be treated that way'. Well, reality do sucks and no matter what you do, people will still crush you to the core. So why bother being good and best? But then again, if you treat people bad, they still gonna crush you and screaming 'how could you do that to me? What was you thinking?' and the bla and the bla while at the same time they're not being fair to you either. So, what should I do then?

Our mind tends to shut itself from information that contradicts our preconception..so think openly!
- firzie Idris

random blab

I don't like this day. fucking hate it. This morning I woke up and suddenly realized that my bra's broken. The string's broken and there's no way to fix it. oh, fuck. You know how much I love my underwears don't you? And this is one of my favorite underwear, the pink one, the barbie one. AAARRRGGGGH. The worst thing is i don't spare the budget to buy a new one this month. So, i have to stick to reality of underwears reduction this time. Once again, fuck.

And that's not it. My laptop's broken too. But it's my fault. Last night i was kinda push it into a wall and now it's broken. My bad, I lost my temper. I should've said the 'GOOSFRABA' mantra but since it's just a script for Anger Management so it clearly doesn't work. This two things plus a HUGE fight last night's enough to sent me to bad mood this day. I don't want to work whatsoever. So today I plan on doing nothing productive. teeheee.

One good news, my new dress has arrived. Haven't got the chance to have a really decent try, my brother has just delivered it to me this morning. I bought it from Heymonstore and they got those cool artworks on their shirts and dresses. Well I did try it a bit this morning and it's superrrr comfortable. Oh my goodness great fabric. hey guys, thanks for the dress and cute paperbag by the way. So, this is the pic :


For those who know me so well, this shirt is so me isn't it? haha, ngarep. Anyway I'd love to post my pic with this shirt on but I don't think so since I don't have that kind of a supermodel body.

Oh and I ran out of money. Good crap. this day's fucking awesome.